I Was Hopping

as we were talking outside it was cold
we were shivering yet warmed by the subject matter
my wife is in the next room we've been having troubles
please don't tell her or anyone
but I need to talk to somebody
you said " wouldn't it be a shame if I knew
how great I was five minutes before I'd died I'd be filled
with such regret before I took my last breath"
and I said "you're willing to tell me this now
and you're not going to die anytime soon"
and I sadi I haven't been eating chicken or meat or anything and you said yes
but you've been wearing leather and laughed and said we're at the top of the food chain
and yes you're still a fine woman and I cringed
I was hoping I was hoping we could heal each other
I was hoping I was hoping we could be raw together
we left the restaurant where the head waiter (in his 60's) said
"goodbye sir thankyou for your business sir
you're successful and established sir
and we like the frequency with which you dine here sir and your money"
and when i walked by they said "thank you too dear"
I was all pigtails and cords
and there was a day when I would've said something
like "hey dude I could buy and sell this place so kiss it"
I too once thought I was owed something
I was hoping I was hoping we could challenge each other
I was hoping I was hoping we could crack each other up
I too thought that when proved wrong I lost somehow
I too once thought life was cruel
it's a cycle really you think i'm withdrawing and guilt tripping you
I think you're insensitive
and I don't feel heard and I said do you belive we are fundamentally judgemental?
fundamentally evil?
and you said yes I said I don't believe in revenge in right or worng good or bad you said
"well what about the man that I saw handcuffed in the emergency room
bleeding after beating his kid
and she threw a shoe at his head
I think what he did was wrong and I would've had a hard time feeling compassion for him"
I had to watch my tone for fear of having you feel judged.
I was hoping I was hoping we could dance together
I was hoping I was hoping we could be creamy together